2009
12.28
12.28
ABC News reports on why so few Black Women are getting married these days. Very thought provoking. Do you agree with this report?
Previously: Documentary: Is it Better to Be Mixed Race?
PREVIOUSLY:
- MUSIC: Yo Gotti Ft. Lil’ Wayne – “Women Lie, Men Lie”
- Documentary: Is it Better to Be Mixed Race?
- EVENT RUNDOWN: Trey Anthony presents Secrets of a Black Boy
Roughhhhhhh! this is rough! Lord! The odds are rough! good post
Here was my take on why this is happening, from 2 years ago on my facebook group…
Here’s the scenario. You’re 23. You meet a guy. He’s nice. He treats you well, he’s polite and intelligent, and focused. You know what? That guy, somehow is boring to women. He’s the “kind of guy that you’ll want to settle down with” but you need a man “that you can’t walk over… he doesn’t stand up to me” yadda yadda. You need a challenge. Someone that when you say black, he says white. You have explosive fights and even better make up sex. Right? He tells you not to fall in love – he’s bad for you. Your friends give you the warnings. You cut them off. Now you’re isolated and he’s your world. They don’t know – he’s not like that with you. He’s sweet. And he didn’t mean it when he… was mean… or that 1 girl that he slept with – it was JUST sex, you’re his girl girl. His bonafide. LOL. Shaking my head.
That nice guy is boring. You need the excitement of a bad boy. The guy that acts up when a man steps to you – it makes you feel safe and “like a woman”. Have you heard any of this ish before ladies? That nice guy is the one who listens to you vent – comes and gets you when your man puts you out of the car… the house… the relationship. Again. And he’s the one that the dangerous guy wants to beat up.
So time goes on… 24, 25, 26… You excel in your career. You start to want more. To go on vacation with your man, to buy a house, to get married. He’s hustling… “Can I borrow your car baby”? You’re crushed to find that he’s been having sex in it, and using it to see her regularly. And he didn’t put back the gas. You end it. Every time you start a new relationship, he intervenes. You go back. You decide that as long as he doesn’t do in your face, you’ll ignore it. 27, 28, 29. You’ve had enough… 6 years, an abortion and no friends later, you move on and start to rebuild your life.
You wonder what that nice guy is doing… Oh yeah. That one got married. The others are successfully living their lives – uninterested in you… let me upgrade you lol. There’s a hot 26 year old for him lol… You re-enter the game, but have been out of it so long that you have none, and don’t realize that dating in Toronto is a movie and sex…
After a few bad experiences, you’re tired, and your menu of wants is starting to dwindle. You’re feeling the clock, and many of your friends are getting or married, so you start to get desperate. You buy your house, and live in it, alone with your cat Marlon.
Sigh. You’re. 32. How about online dating?
Tell me differently. Please.
Wow Ian, quite the insight there. I see this happening all around me and really I wouldn’t say it was because they overstepped the “nice guy”. In some instances it’s just that, the pickings are slim and well the modern women will tell you they aren’t just going to settle. Mind you I can’t say that as a black woman, but I will say it as a woman of colour.
Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added unto to you… Relationship with God is the key and everything else will fall in to place. God can do the impossible so as we seek Christ and delight our self in Him…He will give us the desires of our heart!
First, I agree with most of what Ian is saying. And I will agree with Steve Harvey and Flo that the pickings have gotten slimmer over the years. Now, there is a fraternity of good men/nice guys out there. I know that for a fact because I am a part of that brotherhood. However, I want to make one thing clear, dont get this shit twisted, we are not that Steve Urcle dude that most would probably stereotype that catagory of men! Its 2010 tomorrow!! Time changes everything along with crushing old stereotypes. I know good brothers on every level right now, from the come up, to university students, right to the working class. Good brothers that know there are good black women out there but feel that they take this “Im an Independent woman” thing too far! Honestly, I think Beyonce’s single ladies song was the worst thing that could have happened to black women!
I believe black women who are successful and are independent dont know how to let it go when they meet a good black man. I believe that they are so stuck with the idea of being an independent woman that when they meet a good black man and its time to bring down that wall of independence (not get rid of the wall) they either dont know how to, or take too long to bring down this wall and by that time the good black man has gone on his way. Relationships are about compromise and about two people ultimately becoming one. And I also agree with Steve Harvey when he made the comment about a woman making say $150,000 and why she feels that she needs to find a man that makes $150,000+. Still referring to that example, there are good men out there that make $90,000, shit….there are good men out there that are making $50,000. But I agree with him that women have this complex that if “I make $70,000, my man better make $75K or more. Why? Referring to the end of Ian’s example, good guys of this day and age are not waiting years for that girl to change her mind!! Lol!! #&@$ that, we are there for a minute and if we see you acting the fool with another dude, cutting off your friends and shit, those are signs bra, run from that woman! Run hard and run fast and don’t look back! Lol! We don’t got time for that shit we looking for the one too feel me! Lol!!
Quickly to comment on the ladies in the video, they were all dope! However, I would consider dating all except for Jakene. At 6’5 Jakene is looking for an NBA player to lay beside her and we all know that majority of athletes cheat on their wives with either other women or their teammates! Lol And her story about the interaction with the white guy the night before I found typical. I believe white guys are intimidated by black women which is why they don’t approach or ask for the exchange of numbers more often….but as times change they are starting to be brave and ask.
Are Independent woman asking too much? Yes, I believe “some” do. But I know not all women are the same!
Last thing I will say is that women nowadays also feel that they cannot approach or ask a guy for a telephone number, like it’s a cardinal sin! Why? What happened to men and women being equal?
I’m loving this discussion. Don’t stop people. How do you feel about the perception there are few black men to choose from?
you people just dont get it. this society designs us to be oppressed! why are u people so blind? they jail and keep black men away so they cannot multiply and create strong determined powerful children with black women.
when will the black world wake up?
wake up before its too late.